In December of 2017, we found out that Caroline would be born with Spina Bifida. It was shocking (although, oddly we felt prepared - read my previous blog), and we began doing all the research that we could.
I came across an article written by a mother in the United Kingdom. The summary of her post was that they found out their son had a high enough lesion that, likely, he would not walk. They decided that it would be unfair to let him live and suffer through a life with a medical condition that would leave him without the use of his legs. They aborted him. In her retelling of her story, the mom recalls feeling panic and regret just before the abortion began, but her husband was with her assuring her that they were doing this for their child.
I cried. I hurt so intensely in that moment for this couple (and their other children) who missed the opportunity to know their child because they were scared of what life would be like for him. Or what life would be like with him. Now knowing my own daughter, 18 months out of the womb, I grieve even more for them. Make no mistake, when your child is diagnosed with a condition like spina bifida and they aren't even out of the womb, your world is upside down and you think the worst. It can be a very dark time emotionally and spiritually. It was for us.
But we have to ask ourselves, what defines the value of life? What gives value to your children's person? Is it in the legs? If one day your child lost their ability to walk or use the bathroom on their own, would they lose value to you? I think the truth is, we can't say what defines our value. Our view on human worth should start with a fundamental knowledge that we are not the ones that give life to our children, but it is God who creates and grows them. Because He gives them life, He also gives them their value.
My daughter is nearly 18 months. She's had 6 surgeries since birth and started out very behind in her mobile skills. She's now talking more than the average toddler. She crawls everywhere and is learning to walk. She gives me kisses over and over, followed by hugs and snuggles. She copies her brothers and sister and laughs when they do something silly. She is deeply loved by hundreds of people who have watched her grow. She has already taught us of the amazing ways God is in the little details of our lives. She is who He has always meant for her to be.
3 weeks after Caroline was born, our neurosurgeon told us, "there's something that happens in the minds of spina bifida children that makes them some of the sweetest kids in the world." Turns out he was absolutely right. Our daughter has a sweet, sweet spirit. Life with her is bright, joyful and a constant reminder of God's grace. Would I heal her legs, hydrocephalus and bladder if I could? Yes, because as her mom I want to take away her struggles. But if these things are what shape her heart and influence who she is, then I wouldn't change a thing.
At least 1/3 of babies with spina bifida, diagnosed before birth, are aborted. In other words, out of 90 babies diagnosed with spina bifida, 30 of their parents will never know how amazing they are.
To the parent whose baby has been diagnosed with spina bifida, your baby is a blessing. Even in the midst of coping with a difficult change in your lives, please know that your baby is still your baby, a precious gift, even if they aren't how you initially expected. God will bless your life through your child. He may even change the world through them. Your baby's life matters, and you are stronger than you think.
"As [Jesus] went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, 'Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?'
'Neither this man nor his parents sinned,' said Jesus, 'but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.'"
~John 9:1-2
