Does her head look okay to you?
Gently, "No."
Does her spine look normal to you?
Gently, "No."
After seeing multiple ultrasounds of three normal babies, I guess I could recognize when certain things didn't look right. I knew her head wasn't as round as it should be. I knew her spine was a little bit too curved. The technician said, "You're asking me these questions as if you knew something wasn't right already." I told her, "No, I just remember what the other three babies looked like, and she's different."
Then, the diagnosis.
"It's spina bifida," the technician told me.
I think I was expecting her to say "scoliosis." Spina bifida took me off guard. I know what it is. After volunteering for 7 years at a Radiothon fundraiser for Duke Children's Hospital, I had some experience with the condition and knew what it meant. I looked at Bobby and said, "this is a big deal." He knew. Even without know what spina bifida meant, he knew.
So we sat, a little shocked, as the technician told us how impressed she was with how we were handling it. We cried a bit as we told her that we had known before conception that God had a special idea in mind for this baby, and I told Gia my tears were indeed happy tears when she asked because, yes, we are still grateful for this blessing God has entrusted to us.
She told us that Caroline's leg movement was fantastic, and that was a great sign. She showed us the opening at the base of the spine where Caroline will eventually need surgery. Apparently the location of the lesion is also a good sign. Then she walked us to see Dr. Davis.
Our doctor is the most wonderful OBGYN in Utah. Probably in the world, if you want my opinion. He was kind and calm as he spoke with us, but even he was a bit at loss for words. He said it's only the second case he's had this year, and before that he can't remember having a baby with this condition in the past 10 years of his career. So, there wasn't a whole lot he could tell us other than his experiences during his residency, although even that little bit of information helped. We'll be going to see a specialist next week after we take a few days in St. George to digest the news. Then we'll know more.
Have you ever seen the movie The Nativity? I love watching it every year because, although not 100% Biblically accurate of course, it's so well done and gives a picture of how the characters of the Bible might have dealt with the situations surrounding Jesus' birth. As we drove away from the doctor office, a line that Mary's character said played over in my head:
"Elizabeth, why is it me God has asked? I am nothing."
I can't imagine what strength God sees in me to see fit to give me a gift with such special needs. I often feel weak, emotional, forgetful, inadequate. Why has He asked me? I can only think that it's because this baby is not about me, but about what He's going to do in the world through her in spite of me. When you see what incredible ways that Caroline touches people, you can know that it's is all because of the grace of God. Not of my doing, but because of His strength and greatness and goodness.
So, we rejoice over this baby as we have with all our babies. She's a blessing and a miracle, and we are excited to meet her and see who she will become.
* UPDATE: We have had tests done and seen a lot of doctors. We are considering our surgical options but aren't sure what the next step is quite yet. Please pray for God to give us wisdom to make the best choice.
